Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My vagina is officially offended.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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