That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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