i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
