let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
