I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
