Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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