I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
