pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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