Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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