My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
