I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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