508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
