perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wish my penis had a tongue
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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