Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
