Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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