I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
