OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
