I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
