Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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