I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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