i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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