How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
