Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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