i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
