shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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