I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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