I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
