i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
