i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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