We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
