my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
