Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize