There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize