I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I can't turn off my feet"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
