yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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