If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
