Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
