i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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