Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
