so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
