I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
