I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
