There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
