At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
