no, he came in my armpit
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
