I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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