the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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