I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
