Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
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