Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
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