I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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