he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
