he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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