this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
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She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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