Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
