i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
