these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
