she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
