beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
