My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
