how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
