Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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