Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
