your room smells of hookers.
And success
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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