Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
