And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
