Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
