there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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