I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
