Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
