Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
