i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
