so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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